I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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