And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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