Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
