I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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