Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
