What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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