My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
