Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
