peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
