it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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