If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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