your parents love me but you hate me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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