after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it penis luge time yet?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
