I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
