I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
