Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
