Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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