smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
