this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
