Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
