don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm like, not good at living.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
