dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
