I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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