I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
