I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
