If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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