My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was confusing and full of hummus
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
