As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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