don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
