You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
