My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you remember whose house we're in?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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