You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
