He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
