You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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