He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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