almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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