did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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