you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
