its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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