Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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