the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
