I wanna bring you to show and tell
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
