She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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