I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
