We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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