He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
