Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
