meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
