Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
