I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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