We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
