It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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