just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hippo gnu deer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
