yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
